seriously got really stressed for the last 2 exams, yesterday and today. just imagine yourself having one day to study for an exam, except its real. i know, super bad time management on my part, i think i actually deserve to fail, but i hope i wont cause i still need my 3.5 cap. eek. well, God knows His plan, i must trust Him.
but that being said, God has really been very good to me, faithful even though alot of times im so faithless. like as time is running out i keep feeling like crying and so scared when i know that God's in control. and God has been there, seeing me through the past 3 exams. im really grateful, and God's so wonderful cause He doesnt give up on me, He's there for me even when i dont trust Him.
i think the biggest heart-pain this exams is childrens camp - the kids are heartbreaker cute especially darren! sadness + knowing im missing this for another 3/4 years. well i guess i cant be so selfish and the fact that i think im 'missing' out shows a not very right attitude. i need to learn a service attitude! an attitude that wants to glorify God alone and not seeking to fulfil my desires!
my life is not my own anymore, and im happy about that! :) im so glad to say that cause in the past i wouldnt have been able to. :) thank God! praise Him for His goodnesss. :)
Thursday, November 19, 2009 | 23:45
was very discouraged and very stressed at the end of today, for various reasons. one was exams of course, and another, something ive been putting before God. i realise that when my heart is not oriented totally to the Lord, theres something missing. something important, something wonderful, something the Lord wants me to have but i dont cause He's not first. theres always lack of direction and lack of purpose when God is not on the throne of my heart. theres only my way to go, and thats always not good and totally selfish.
and so today was actually good because i realised God has to be first in my heart. ive realised it so many times, its been so hard to do. but i'd really like to try harder, God leading. i want to love Him first, stop putting myself, my pride, my glory, my desires before Him. i want to really, wholly, give my life to him wholeheartedly, sincerely, with His glory in my mind and in my heart, especially. thank God for some time to spend with Him, alone. :)
You are my strength when i am weak
You are the treasure that i seek!
You are my All in All
seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up, i'd be a fool
You are my All in All
Jesus, Lamb of God! worthy is Your Name!...
and so today was actually good because i realised God has to be first in my heart. ive realised it so many times, its been so hard to do. but i'd really like to try harder, God leading. i want to love Him first, stop putting myself, my pride, my glory, my desires before Him. i want to really, wholly, give my life to him wholeheartedly, sincerely, with His glory in my mind and in my heart, especially. thank God for some time to spend with Him, alone. :)
You are my strength when i am weak
You are the treasure that i seek!
You are my All in All
seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up, i'd be a fool
You are my All in All
Jesus, Lamb of God! worthy is Your Name!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009 | 22:02
thank God for giving me strength and good circumstances! :)
the past few days have been very productive in church! like approximately x5 more productive than home! haha. really have to thank God cause i have studybuddies, without them i'll be sleeping a whole lot more in the clubhouse. yesterday was abit sleepy but today! i didnt even sleep once! (even though by 6.30pm i was quite sian). im so happy cause i finished making sw2104 notes! :) now for psych and japanese!
and it was also nice having a good long lunch for a break! nice talks too. :) thank God for friends to share in the studying!
we gotta keep moving guys! :) jiayou!
on a random (or not so random) note, its weird how psych makes you realise you are even more sinful than you may know! i read some theory (or was it proven?) that you invest in relationships where the person is the most attractive one that may like you back. its actually quite true in some cases/sense, but disgusts me ttm. reminds me about our sinful nature, esp social psych! cause the cases seem like you wont ever do that, but really most people do and its scary. good reminder i guess, even though it kinda freaks me out.
thank God He saves us (even from ourselves). :)...
the past few days have been very productive in church! like approximately x5 more productive than home! haha. really have to thank God cause i have studybuddies, without them i'll be sleeping a whole lot more in the clubhouse. yesterday was abit sleepy but today! i didnt even sleep once! (even though by 6.30pm i was quite sian). im so happy cause i finished making sw2104 notes! :) now for psych and japanese!
and it was also nice having a good long lunch for a break! nice talks too. :) thank God for friends to share in the studying!
we gotta keep moving guys! :) jiayou!
on a random (or not so random) note, its weird how psych makes you realise you are even more sinful than you may know! i read some theory (or was it proven?) that you invest in relationships where the person is the most attractive one that may like you back. its actually quite true in some cases/sense, but disgusts me ttm. reminds me about our sinful nature, esp social psych! cause the cases seem like you wont ever do that, but really most people do and its scary. good reminder i guess, even though it kinda freaks me out.
thank God He saves us (even from ourselves). :)
Wednesday, November 11, 2009 | 09:14
i've had 2 and a half days of no school and ive done practically nothing. not much, anyway. :(
makes me very worried, cause theres so much to do and exams are like coming so soon, worried. except im more worried not cause exams are so near, but because i havent been using my time well. like seriously. so today gotta rush x10000!
i dont know why. uni work is so much more fun to do than my other study subjects before, well most of it anyway. but i guess whats lacking is my faithful studybuddies of the past. :( i miss studying with you guys! and it was so productive! ok of course whats lacking even more is my discipline. eek. ok, God help me make good use of my time from now on!
hm, i think the computer is spoiling my eyes. cant even see the lecture projection clearly when i sit on the extreme sides of the lecture theatre. thats bad. i want my eyesight to last!
ok back to work! :) lets go and make it happen....
makes me very worried, cause theres so much to do and exams are like coming so soon, worried. except im more worried not cause exams are so near, but because i havent been using my time well. like seriously. so today gotta rush x10000!
i dont know why. uni work is so much more fun to do than my other study subjects before, well most of it anyway. but i guess whats lacking is my faithful studybuddies of the past. :( i miss studying with you guys! and it was so productive! ok of course whats lacking even more is my discipline. eek. ok, God help me make good use of my time from now on!
hm, i think the computer is spoiling my eyes. cant even see the lecture projection clearly when i sit on the extreme sides of the lecture theatre. thats bad. i want my eyesight to last!
ok back to work! :) lets go and make it happen.
Thursday, November 5, 2009 | 03:37
realised i committed the same old mistake again. going about to plan my idealized future without remembering its in God's hands and He knows best. but sometimes its hard because, you cant see it anywhere near or close in your future, isit going to come? and if it doesnt, so what? i have God right? shouldnt He be enough?
i know the answer is yes, but i cant help dreaming sometimes. it seems everyone else has something wonderful in them that people can see, but theres nothing in me to make me wonderful too. argh, self-pity.
i dont know why i am so affected when i have the Lord with me, maybe its the way we were made as humans? Lord please fill the empty space in my heart and that will be enough i think.
but thank God for people today who talked to me, indirectly you guys have helped me really! :) even though i still felt sad about the whole thing, at least you want to talk to me and that encourages me in some sense that theres still hope, somehow, indirectly. maybe. well, God will decide, and i guess when i finally know His plan, it'll be the best one for me....
i know the answer is yes, but i cant help dreaming sometimes. it seems everyone else has something wonderful in them that people can see, but theres nothing in me to make me wonderful too. argh, self-pity.
i dont know why i am so affected when i have the Lord with me, maybe its the way we were made as humans? Lord please fill the empty space in my heart and that will be enough i think.
but thank God for people today who talked to me, indirectly you guys have helped me really! :) even though i still felt sad about the whole thing, at least you want to talk to me and that encourages me in some sense that theres still hope, somehow, indirectly. maybe. well, God will decide, and i guess when i finally know His plan, it'll be the best one for me.